Isn’t it ironic that last week I declared I want to share what’s on my mind each week, then have kind of a crazy week, of which I don’t really want to share whats on my mind?? Some things I just can’t share because it affects other people, but what I can say is that there was a day last week that I was in a dark place. I simply felt that too many things were bombarding me, that the devil on my shoulder was speaking louder than normal, and it was overcoming me at times. It wasn’t a “bad week” per se, but I had some negative moments flashing intermittently with some pretty incredibly happy experiences as well. One day in particular, I didn’t care that my actions would affect other people, and for that day–I just wanted to give up being nice. Sometimes nice doesn’t get noticed or appreciated as much as we think it should, and something within me just wanted to revolt. I found myself driving alone in the middle of the afternoon (which is quite rare), and just sobbing as I drove. I wasn’t happy with myself for feeling this way. I get sad, I get my feelings hurt, but I don’t get angry much.
Gratefully, the only place I wanted to be was locked in my home with my own little family, nestled in front of the fireplace with the warmth of the fire taking it all away. My kids and I are in a great place. Them, with my husband, are my favorite people. I used to really thrive on social activities with other women, but I’ve found I need it less and less. I don’t have toddlers hanging on me, so I don’t need that “mommy break” as much as I used to when I had little ones. After that crazy tear filled drive, from the moment my husband saw me, he knew something was up. We hugged, and I just lingered there….he asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I said, “no, not really” which is odd because I usually want to talk about everything. He is an excellent listener. I didn’t want to expose him to the negativity in my head.
It’s normal that we all have junk that comes our way. We have good days, we have bad days, but it’s what we take of those blended experiences and come out with that molds us as a person, right? I’ve been blessed with a generally optimistic view on life, but I’ve also been burdened with very sensitive feelings of which affect my demeanor more than it should at times. I wish I weren’t so sensitive.
After a good nights sleep, I actually felt much better. It was amazing that I felt less plagued with the things I was so enraged about the day before.
(I’ll be sharing a bunch of fun pictures of us at the tree farm later in the week)
I had some pretty fabulous experiences last week, aside from that one crazy day. Here are a few:
- I hosted a birthday lunch for my live-in Sister in law with some ladies from church. I told her I was taking her to lunch, and surprised her with a bunch of ladies showing up at my home that she has gotten to know through her 2 year old toddler. It was an enjoyable little group, and I splurged on a Jason’d Deli delivery of their chicken salad (they put pineapple in it–YUM!) on croissants, and pinwheels (think cream cheese, spinach, and red peppers wrapped in a tortilla).
- I got to join 2 pretty fabulous discussions with the missionaries at our church and a very dear friend of mine with her husband. My friend impresses me with her love and testimony of the Savior, and I LOVED coming together to share our common interest of living His gospel. Sharing my faith is a big part of who I am, and to be able to do it on that level has been a great experience for me.
- Today at church, we sang Away in a Manger. To some, it’s just another Christmas song. To me, it’s a reminder of a time in my life that I felt very low, and it strengthened me. I wrote about it in my love story HERE, and what was going on in my life at the time. But today, it was a whisper from my Father in Heaven to know that He’s aware of me and my needs, and of his love for me. The third verse goes like this: Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay; Close by me forever And love me I pray; Bless all the dear children In Thy tender care; And fit us for heaven To live with Thee there. In my interpretation, Our life experiences and how we handle them are how we are “fit” for heaven.
- I have a dear friend that lost her Father to cancer just before Thanksgiving. I’ve cried as I’ve heard her gut wrenching pain in losing him, but felt peace in our shared understanding that she knows she will see him again. She shares my faith, and we believe that Families are Forever. I go through in my mind, what I would do or how I would react if I’d experience something as gut wrenching. I lost my grandmother last year, but she was 90 and lived a good long life, we knew it was coming. I know that life is full of pain, and I hate to let my mind go to the place of “what if’s.” They are there, and they are real. I would like to think I could have my friends’ strength.
- Another HAPPY is that I was working on my Christmas cards last week, and sent a big bulk of them out–hooray!! I LOVE the tradition of sending cards, it’s my expression of love to those around me, or those I haven’t seen in a while to say, “I love and miss you!” It’s an investment, for sure, but part of my Christmas budget. I’ve already got cards from a few readers, and it’s SO fun to see your faces! If you send out Holiday cards–I’d love one! HERE for my address. I’ll be sharing my cards and where I got them at the end of the week!
- My family went to the Christmas Tree farm on Saturday, and cut down a tree!! Though we have a nice tall, fake tree already up, I like to have a second smaller real tree for the smell, and look, but also for the fun tradition it’s become to cut it down. It was EXTREMELY COLD outside (for us Texans). We usually cut down our tree in 60 degree weather, but it was in the 20′s. We took the tractor ride, selected a tree, cut it, and threw it in the car in under 20 minutes.
- We also did our annual take-the-kids-to-a-store-and-split-up-to-help-them-shop-for-each-other. We went to Target: my husband took the boys, I took the girls, we shopped for the boys, they shopped for us, then we did a one kid swap, and got most of it done all in an hour and a half. Whew! We usually wait til 2 days before Christmas, but carved out time after leaving the Tree Farm so quickly.
- Today at church, in our adult Sunday School class, we were discussing strengthening our marriages, and how we overcome differences. I shared 2 stories: One I remember when my #2 baby was about 3 months old. I was strictly nursing (my babies never took bottles very well–I didn’t try very hard), and went out to dinner with some friends for some much needed social time. I borrowed a phone from a friend (I didn’t have my own cell phone for a year or two) to call and check on my husband and baby at home, but he never answered. It wasn’t til I got home when I asked why he didn’t answer, and my husband said, “Oh, I knew it was you checking on us, but he was screaming and I wanted you to enjoy your time, so I didn’t answer so you wouldn’t know. I could handle it just fine.” I’ve always been very grateful for his perspective, allowing me to have my “thing” and supporting it. I’ve had many friends who have had their husband call them while they are out, simply putting the screaming baby to the phone to let their wife know it was time to come home. In contrast, I shared about my husband love of cycling, and how it took me quite a few years to realize the importance for him to have his Saturday ride. Now I just know, it’s going to happen, I just need to find out when and plan our day around it. Give and take…
- I went to H&M and Forever 21 the other day–I hadn’t been in over a year, and I found myself a few cute things;)
- I wore red lipstick TWICE this week–it was fun! Tis the season for red…and dressing up a little, right?
- I had a holiday baking day today and made lots of my favorite tried and true recipes. I made zucchini soup, corn flake Christmas wreaths, Chocolate Peppermint cookies, and Christmas crunch. We already delivered some to neighbors!
So that’s what’s on my mind today….what’s on your mind?