Suggestions from adult children to their parents on how to be a good grandparent.
How to be a Good Grandparent is very subjective, but I polled a bunch of people to find out what it is that THEY want from their kids grandparents. And I’ve got the responses right here to share with you.
I’m so excited to start this new parenting question of the week series on my site. If you subscribe to my newsletter, you saw that last week I asked questions about grandparents. This weeks post will focus on the replies I got from others on how to be a good grandparent. Over on Instagram I asked for topics that you’d like to see covered and my dad wanted tips on how to be a good grandparent. So, I thought I’d keep it fairly light for the first parenting question with this topic.
It’s now my goal each Friday to discuss a new topic. A question of the week! And I’ll need YOUR help responding to each of the topics. This will be FUN!
I’ll admit, reading through these anonymous responses, I got some stings in my eyes. I think this is a great opportunity for anyone to read through, and maybe share this post with the grandparent in their life. Hopefully, those grandparents can read what OTHERS have said, and aim to just pick one thing to do to improve relationships with their grandchildren AND their adult children.
With this topic, I asked several questions and I’ll consolidate a bit here. RECOGNIZE that just because one person feels one way, another may not, this is a great opportunity for grandparents to ask their adult children, how do YOU feel? Do you agree or disagree with “such and such” sentiment.
What are your expectations for your kids grandparents?
- Remember their birthdays
- Try to visit for special events/support their interests
- PLAY with them
- Be relevant–find out what the kids are up to these days
- spoil them…just a little
- someone my kids can confide in
- enjoy visiting and not feel like they have to
- just be supportive
- show interest, besides just a birthday card
- introduce them to something you love: cooking, art
- Be tolerant of noise/kids craziness
- Not judge my kids
- Be excited about the things my kids are interested in, ask questions
I loved this response from a contributor to the conversation, “I have magical dreams of grandma camp and fishing with grandpa.” I think seeking opportunities to have special time with the kids, aside from just visiting. But man…it can be hard, right?
Grandparents: To discipline or not to discipline?
How to connect to your grandchildren when you live far away?
- send a card for no reason personally addressed to a child (travel postcards are fun!)
- Facetime and listen to kids stories
- Call/facetime after special events
- call just for a child, not as an after thought at then end of parent chat time
- for older kids: comment on their social media posts
- making family reunions a priority
- send a holiday package
- Use the Marco Polo app. You see them and communicate around busy schedules
- Text/email the big kids asking about events.
I loved one responders suggestion to email a story about your life or your child (grandchild’s parent) that you remembered that may relate to the child’s age or circumstance in their life at that time. They said, “My kids love learning about when my parents were younger or when I was younger.”
Grandparents giving advice to adult children
Tips on giving advice to your adult children
I wanted to share a few direct quotes from some of the responses. Hopefully, seeing the exact wording from adult children might be helpful for grandparents:
- “I don’t want to be reprimanded or made to feel like a child. I am an adult – please treat me like one.”
- “Care to ask about the children as individuals for more than criticism or telling me what I should do to handle a problem.”
- “I don’t have problems with them giving advice as long as they don’t start out by attacking something I’m doing.”
- “I know I receive the criticism better from my own parents than from my in laws.”
- “State the idea in a very nonjudgmental way like: So, have you thought about this? or What do you think about this?… Advice is always best taken when it is asked for. Great ideas are always welcome, telling me what I am doing wrong, not so”
- “Please offer advice away from the moment and away from the kids.”
- Ask, instead of assume. Begin with, “I was wondering, concerned about, not sure if you’ve thought of, did you know, I read/what do you think of this?…”
- “Never make me feel like I am a bad parent.”
- “Share an example of what worked with me when I was a kid.”
- “Don’t offer up any advice unless specifically asked for it! I always like it when the grandparents just smile and nod.”
- “Let me need you & ask for your advice. Let me make & learn from my choices.”
- “Keep the negativity to yourself.”
Remember grandparents are only trying to be helpful
Conversations with grandparents
- wisdom
- stories from their past
- learning from mistakes
- the word of God
- sharing your talents