My Love Story Chapter 13 ~ President’s Day

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{It’s my anniversary!!! 13 years to be exact, and I’m so grateful every day with this amazing husband of mine. My goal was to have our love story finished by today, but yeah…not close my friends. How about another chapter?!?  To see some of my favorite pictures from our wedding day, see this BLOG POST from last year.

Chapter 13

It just so happens that Valentine’s Day and President’s Day were just 1 day apart that year, but so much happened on those two days individually that that each get their own chapter. If you remember, from the Valentine’s Day chapter, Matthew snuck out of the dance we were attending with a big group of people, snuck into our apartment, and left me a cute little red teddy bear and note. I was cautiously happy about the situation, though I felt a constant pit in my stomach that it was just a kind gesture and he really didn’t have the same feelings for me as I did for him.

Our little group (my apartment & his apartment) planned an overnight getaway to my grandparents’ home an hour away. I was excited at the  idea of an adventure, I always enjoyed sharing my friends with my family, and vice versa. We took two cars: Matthew & I, and CJ & Amy in CJ’s car with Sam & Hali and Abbi & Ryan in another car. Ryan actually wasn’t a roommate, but Abbi’s boyfriend (and soon to be husband). The 4th roommate of the boys stayed behind. I felt a lot of tension between Matthew and I, and when I think something, it somehow always comes blurting out. I said to him, “Do you feel awkward around me?” He looked CAUGHT and said he had things he needed to say to me. Of course it wasn’t the right time, so I had to suffer internally. I figured he wanted to let me down gently, but after the weekend was over. He’s too nice to be mean, I thought. I tried to prepare my heart for pain, I’d built the wall around my heart of pretty well, had to build it higher.


My grandparents have always been so sweet to my friends. They live smack dab in the middle of the two schools I attended (Ricks College and BYU), so they met a bunch of my friends/boyfriends in the 4 years I lived there. Matthew was very friendly to them, intently listened to their stories, and they kept telling him more. I had to look away–distance myself–it couldn’t really mean anything, he’s just nice. I thought to myself, “this is going to hurt more than I can imagine.” We stayed up til 2am with all of our friends playing board games and laughing. Once it was time to go to sleep, the boys slept upstairs and the girls slept downstairs.

In the morning, my sweet grandpa whipped us up a full course breakfast complete with endless french toast and crispy bacon.

Breakfast is grandpa’s specialty. My friends and I ate in our PJ’s, and enjoyed each others laughter and company. I posed awkwardly for pictures, not sure what to do with myself, but so grateful someone grabbed the camera from me and got a few of Matthew and I in the same picture.

CJ, Hali, Abbi, & Ryan had to head out at noon for work and other obligations. I had planned an activity for the rest of us to go to Hill Air Force Base to see the museum of airplanes. Matthew, Sam, Amy, & I had a lot of fun running around and taking pictures with the airplanes. We each came home with a set of personalized dog tags that read: 2039 4EVER TRUDAT! (2039 is our combined apartment numbers).

We then drove to my other Grandma’s House for dinner, and she suggested we break out the steaks. She was also very excited to have us! ! My grandpa had passed away the year before, and I know she loved the company. After dinner, we drove the hour or so back to Provo, and all night, my friends kept saying how much fun they had and how great my grandparents were–it warmed my heart. I was surprised to hear from my friends that their grandparents home wasn’t so warm, or they never knew their grandparents. Here is a pic of mine below (we stayed at their home).

It’s so wonderful to have such a great group of friends with no pretenses or reservations. Besides the question of the whole Matthew situation, I realized how truly blessed I was for the people in my life. Matthew and I sort-of talked, but nothing really got resolved, but nothing worse was introduced to me either. We didn’t break anything, but it wasn’t fixed either. He couldn’t seem to move past his uncertainties, so in the meantime, we kept hanging out and having fun (without any affection)–and I was tormented inside with a smile on the outside. I let myself be vulnerable, and he expressed his gratitude for my patience. So afraid to hold on tightly, for fear I’ll have to let go in the future. I’m pretty sure he wanted “us” just as much as I did.

I had to not let this uncertainty consume. It wasn’t going anywhere fast, so I had to trust in my feelings, and be patient that he would figure it all out for himself. I was willing to be patient because he was worth it to me. I had no idea what I was doing and was afraid of what the future held, but I trusted in the Lord to guide me, and that brought me happiness. It was so hard being with him, but there was no other place I wanted to be.

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