Isn’t it ironic that last week I declared I want to share what’s on my mind each week, then have kind of a crazy week, of which I don’t really want to share whats on my mind?? Some things I just can’t share because it affects other people, but what I can say is that there was a day last week that I was in a dark place. I simply felt that too many things were bombarding me, that the devil on my shoulder was speaking louder than normal, and it was overcoming me at times. It wasn’t a “bad week” per se, but I had some negative moments flashing intermittently with some pretty incredibly happy experiences as well. One day in particular, I didn’t care that my actions would affect other people, and for that day–I just wanted to give up being nice. Sometimes nice doesn’t get noticed or appreciated as much as we think it should, and something within me just wanted to revolt. I found myself driving alone in the middle of the afternoon (which is quite rare), and just sobbing as I drove. I wasn’t happy with myself for feeling this way. I get sad, I get my feelings hurt, but I don’t get angry much.
Gratefully, the only place I wanted to be was locked in my home with my own little family, nestled in front of the fireplace with the warmth of the fire taking it all away. My kids and I are in a great place. Them, with my husband, are my favorite people. I used to really thrive on social activities with other women, but I’ve found I need it less and less. I don’t have toddlers hanging on me, so I don’t need that “mommy break” as much as I used to when I had little ones. After that crazy tear filled drive, from the moment my husband saw me, he knew something was up. We hugged, and I just lingered there….he asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I said, “no, not really” which is odd because I usually want to talk about everything. He is an excellent listener. I didn’t want to expose him to the negativity in my head.
It’s normal that we all have junk that comes our way. We have good days, we have bad days, but it’s what we take of those blended experiences and come out with that molds us as a person, right? I’ve been blessed with a generally optimistic view on life, but I’ve also been burdened with very sensitive feelings of which affect my demeanor more than it should at times. I wish I weren’t so sensitive.
After a good nights sleep, I actually felt much better. It was amazing that I felt less plagued with the things I was so enraged about the day before.
(I’ll be sharing a bunch of fun pictures of us at the tree farm later in the week)
I had some pretty fabulous experiences last week, aside from that one crazy day. Here are a few:
- I hosted a birthday lunch for my live-in Sister in law with some ladies from church. I told her I was taking her to lunch, and surprised her with a bunch of ladies showing up at my home that she has gotten to know through her 2 year old toddler. It was an enjoyable little group, and I splurged on a Jason’d Deli delivery of their chicken salad (they put pineapple in it–YUM!) on croissants, and pinwheels (think cream cheese, spinach, and red peppers wrapped in a tortilla).
- I got to join 2 pretty fabulous discussions with the missionaries at our church and a very dear friend of mine with her husband. My friend impresses me with her love and testimony of the Savior, and I LOVED coming together to share our common interest of living His gospel. Sharing my faith is a big part of who I am, and to be able to do it on that level has been a great experience for me.